Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I'm Still Learning

Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around. ~Frank A. Clark

So, I've always known I have a bit of a gossip problem. Now, no one freak out... if we are friends and I have promised to keep something important a secret, don't doubt my word. But for lots of trivial information about people.. I sure as hell pass it on. If you are one of my close friends... you may just hear the words, "I have some gossip for you!" out of my mouth frequently.

I am definitely not proud of all of it.

I have been feeling especially terrible about it lately. It was something Kevin told me.. God love him he keeps me in check... I can't remember the exact words, but it basically said in a nice way to "stop blabbing your mouth about it already". Which is exactly what I needed to hear. The moment I hear something juicy, all of my close friends know about it. Looking back, all the drama I have had in my life has either stemmed or gotten worse from my big mouth. My need to tell everyone I know about everything that is going on in my life seems to have gotten out of control. I know it is essentially human nature... because how boring would life be without any pointless drama and what would you talk about with your friends all the time? But when it comes to a certain point, I just realize I should learn to keep my mouth shut. 

While I know I will never stop gossiping completely... because let's face it. We all do it. We always will. But I am going to make a conscious effort to take it down a notch. I hope this note doesn't cause any of the people I care about to never tell me anything again, because I do keep secrets and I do treat the people I care about with the upmost respect. I'm just here to admit my slip-ups. I'm here to apologize to anyone who remembers a time where I told someone else something about them I shouldn't have or made drama worse because of something I said.

Another thing I have realized is that life is too short to be upset at someone for trivial things. Another thing I am not too proud of is that I can be very judgmental. I find myself having a very good head on my shoulders and when I think one of my friends does not have the same opinions toward something I feel very strongly about, it pisses me off. It shouldn't. Everyone has different opinions. Everyone lives their lives differently. Everyone has to make mistakes and what is a mistake to one person may not be to another. All you can do in life is accept people for who they are, help them to change IF THEY WANT THE HELP, and if they don't; leave it be and still love them. A lot of the times, I find I get angry at someone because I just care for them... but when does caring become smothering? Just because I care for someone and want the best for them doesn't mean I should try to control their life and disagree with the decisions they make that affects THEM... not necessarily ME. I know I just need to look at the bigger picture and figure out what affects me and what I have authority to actually be angry at. And then just let go of the other small stuff.

So okay, I have learned my strengths... I have learned my weaknesses. I am still learning. I just feel so blessed in my life to be still learning and to have people who love and accept me for just who I am. Because in this life, that's really all that matters.

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