Sunday, January 31, 2010

Here's to a new focus!

I did it again. I think we all do from time to time. But I am slowly submerging from falling into self-pity and forgetting better priorities. I got so lost in feeling like I had no friends and getting upset over friends blowing me off and feeling like everyone was too busy for me.

So here's to simply not caring as much.

Here's to focusing on people who show me that they love me: my boyfriend, my parents, etc.

Here's to working on me and becoming the woman I know I can be.

Here's to focusing on school work.

Here's to making new friends who appreciate me.

Tomorrow I am off to run some errands and see my neighbors. They are 12-year-old twin boys who are like my brothers. They make me smile and I can't wait to hang out with them. Then I'll hang with my parents for the second night in a row. I don't care who thinks that is lame, but not being at home has made me enjoy hanging out with them when I come over.

Also, I wanted to thank my blogger friends. Even though we can't hang out face-to-face, I still feel like you are my friends. Through your kind words and from reading your lovely blogs, I feel somewhat connected to you all. :)

Thursday, January 28, 2010

It should be easy

My opinion on relationship is this: when it is right, it should be easy. Not saying there won't be occasional arguments or miscommunication, but most of the time it should just feel right. Not too much effort for either person, not boredom, not feeling restless simply laying together watching TV. Simple, easy, right. That's what it should feel like.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

An Ugly Monster of Boredom, Loneliness and Anxiety this semester over yet? I'm having a really hard time adjusting. You see, last semester I was a busy, busy bee. Sometimes I didn't mind it and it kept me doing things, but sometimes I hated it when I had no free time to just chill out and relax or see my family and friends. This semester is a different story.

Seeing as last semester I barely had any free time, this time I decided to not work as much to focus on classes and have tons of time to hang with my boy and family. Well, when the people I want to see are all busy + all my homework is done + it is too gloomy and cold outside to do anything = boredom and loneliness galore!

Being lonely is the worst feeling in the world. It eats me alive. I love having time to myself...for a few hours. Then once a few hours passes and everyone is busy and there's nothing to do...a harmless case of boredom turns itself into the ugly monster of lonelyanxiety. I had to drive home today to see my parents just because I couldn't take it anymore. This isn't a part of myself I like. I don't like crying and having my stomach form into knots simply because I can't let my mind get too bored.

Anyone else have problems like this? Any suggestions for when I have nothing to do and on top of that I'm feeling lazy? Thanks guys. :)

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Winter Blues Turned Upside-Down

Lately I've noticed myself being gloomy with more and more gloomy days and constantly thinking about spring and warmth and being outside! So, with a few more months of winter, I thought I'd make a list of things I like about winter to keep my (and hopefully your) spirits up!

1. Sledding is still amazingly fun! So is ice skating. :)

2. Us girls simply don't have to shave our legs as often and that is pretty nice sometimes...hehe..

3. Cold weather = perfect cuddle weather

4. Cute accessories...gloves, hats, scarves, boots...

5. While snow is horrible to drive in and sometimes a can't deny, it is very pretty!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The winner of the contest!

And the winner is.....

Sonia from Random Thoughts! Please e-mail me at lrstewar @ so we can get rolling on your prize. :)

Thanks everyone for entering! I'd love some feedback...did everyone like the idea of the contest? Like the prize? Anything I could do differently next time to get more people to enter? Any opinion is appreciated so I can keep my blog growing and keep my readers happy. :)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Quick Reminder!

The contest closes on Saturday morning! I've gotten some good responses but no actual way to tell if anyone is doing it, be sure to read over the instructions so you can win a cute, customized bag! :)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

"We were always much more human than we wished to be"

A friend of mine had this quote from a song as his Facebook status one day and it really stuck with me. It is a simple statement, but can be thought of in many different ways. I thought of it as emotions.

Humans are the one thing on Earth that can actively and legitimately feel. But we push it aside and act passive and think it is a safer way to be. We wish to be less human in a sense, to need others less, to feel less...but why? Because you look cooler? Or stronger? We're all strong; we're all weak, each in different ways. Maybe we need to stop acting cooler and stronger and allow ourselves to be what we are and feel what we feel. Then we can actively move on to better feelings. So don't forget, we're all human...don't wish to be anything else.

P.S. On a side note, I finally went to yoga yesterday and I got apartment management to write a letter to my noisy neighbors telling them to be quieter! :)

Don't forget about my first contest ever! Ends on Saturday, so you have 4 more days! :)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Us Girls all Need a Girl Best Friend

I must confess I have been feeling really down lately and on my drive home from my parent's house, I realized why. I don't really have a girl best friend right now. My boy is my best friend, but that is really not the same as a girl best friend. He's in for a little gossiping, but it isn't the same. I can't go shopping with him and I feel bad making him watch super girly movies and things like that. I also consider my mom a friend, but it really isn't the same as someone my own age. She's a best friend, but she's still my mom.

This has been a problem for me since college started really. My very best friend who I've been friends with for years moved in high school and we still keep in touch, but she's not here. Same goes with all my best friends from high school who went away to school. I still talk to them and hang out with them while they're here, but the feeling of not being needed anymore grows increasingly with every visit. We are all busy so the phone calls and texts and Facebook comments are less and less. When time finally comes for vacations, I see them once or twice and have a great time, but realize that they seem to be much more involved in their school lives that don't include me.

Even the few friends I have around here at school are busy. I definitely understand because I know I'm busy too. But hanging out becomes plans weeks in advance for an hour lunch and then we don't see each other for months because of bad timing. These days, I don't even see my roomie very much. Our schedules clash, she's leaving as I'm coming, and sometimes I don't even think she wants to hang out anymore.

I guess it has just becoming increasingly clear I desperately want a girl best friend and don't have one. I love the friends I have, don't get me wrong! I have best friends, but the distance and schedules make it tough. I wish someone was here close to me, who had time for me, who I could talk to about anything. It is just a bad feeling when it feels like it is something that can't really be fixed.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Quick Contest Note

I'm extending the contest until next Saturday! Go here to read the rules and start. Good luck everyone and thank you so much! :)

You can win this in any design you choose from Elemental Threads!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Book Review: "The Real Me: Awakening Your True Self"

If you’re looking for spiritual guidance, a way to be happy being you, and a better life in the New Year, look no further. Sandra Agazzi Chimenti has the answers you’ve been searching for. Chimenti, a former teacher, now works hard at her own publishing company and helping others empower themselves with her book. “The Real Me: Awakening Your True Self” is more than a book; it is a journey you make with yourself. Featuring the “Seven Aspects of Spiritual Awakening”, which are divine creation, communication, apology and forgiveness, gratitude and praise, loving choices, flowing in life, and sharing gifts and talents, lead you with positive affirmations and beautiful quotes.

The book provides an overview on Chimenti’s teaching methods based on allowing yourself to feel your emotions fully before you can truly move on and actively seek happiness and peace within yourself. After an explanation of the “Seven Aspects of Spiritual Awakening” you are given positive statements and affirmations for each aspect. Some are short, others longer, but all are uplifting messages designed to empower you. What is truly great about this book though, is the way you are actively involved in it. You are not simply the reader; you are the writer as well. As you read on, there are pages for you to write your own positive affirmations as they come to you and exercises such as “Mirror, Mirror” and “Release Strife, Enjoy Life”. These exercises are part of the “awakening process” and allow you to write down your experiences and fill out surveys designed to break through the barriers we put up when we try to ignore our bad emotions. By doing so, Chimenti says, you allow yourself to get rid of these feelings and make room for the new peace you’ll find within yourself. Also included are pages and pages of resources for specific issues, a gratitude journal, Chimenti’s original poems and songs, and meditations to try.

This book is definitely different from most books I’ve read, as it is more of a self-help book. But upon going through it, it taught me to trust myself and be positive. As a child, I was definitely that girl in class that always cried over nothing and as I’ve gotten older realized I have issues with anxiety. I always tried to ignore these facts and stemming from crying a lot as a child, I try to hold in the tears now and act as if everything is okay. I hold things in until I explode, basically. Chimenti’s book taught me that you can’t do so to be a happy and empowered person. You have to get through the bad emotions and learn where they come from to get rid of them. While I know I am nowhere near the “Real Me” as the book describes, I am happy to have this book to continue to look at and learn from. The positive affirmations are ones that I can look at if I’m having a tough day. This book may be tough to understand if you are not spiritual at all, as God is often talked about, but the great thing is no matter what your religion or if you are religious at all, you can use God as any God. All in all, a great read for those actively seeking a better self.

Visit her website for more information on her book, her empowerment presentations, and more.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

What I'm Lovin' Today!

Regina Spektor's new album, especially this song!

Boys and girls watch each other eat while they really just want to watch each other sleep.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy!

Randomly came across this picture and found it appropriate...hehe...

Okay, so I don't drink beer...but God sure is great and people are DEFINITELY crazy. Here are some crazy new stories from our neighbors from hell in apartment living.

Yes, the people above us are still obnoxious. As I type, I am blasting City and Colour (great band by the way!) to try and drown out the tribal music that is blaring from above. I'm not sure if I prefer these crazy drum sounds or what was going on previous when I first arrived back. The creepy guy singing (horribly and out of tune I might add) karaoke.

And then, we have new Indian neighbors who happen to share our carport. My roomie and I were bummed because before when no one lived there, we could both park and keep our cars out of the snow. So that sucked, but they it's their's, what can we do? But of course they can't just be people who leave us alone. Both myself and my roommate have gotten lovely, long-winded notes on our cars when we "parked on the white line". No, not in their spot or even slightly inside their spot. We were barely parked on the white dividing line. I watched the man huffing and puffing and walking around and around my car with steam blowing out of his ears right before the first note.

Gosh, I really wish people had more patience, didn't get so angry over something so stupid, and was conscious of other people. Apparently that's too much to ask for in an apartment. Another lesson learned.

Hey friends and fellow bloggers! Help me out and I'll reward you! :) Please enter my first contest far no one has and it closes Saturday. If you enter now, you have a great chance of winning a customizable bag. It's easy, just e-mail or tell a few friends to comment on my site and mention you and you'll be entered. Don't forget to give me your e-mail if you win! :)

Monday, January 11, 2010

New Years Goals

I'll admit. I'm not too good with goals so I tend to avoid writing them. Sure, I'm great at to-do lists and short-term goals, but long-term "for myself" types. Those often fall by the wayside. So this year I am really going to try!

1. Finish my novel by the time I graduate college. This gives me about a year! So far I've got about 25 pages done and an outline for the whole thing. I just have to actually sit down and write, write, write.

2. Start up yoga again. I've discovered no one will go with me, which sucks, but I have to just stop being lazy and nervous about going alone and just do it. Not only is it some much needed exercise (I look fit, but I never work out...another bad habit of mine!) but definitely a good way to relax and ease my anxiety.

3. Be a better saver. I need to stop buying things frivolously, especially when I am working less this semester due to school and an unpaid internship. This is so hard for me because I love shopping (hello retail therapy!) but I need to save and save is what I shall do!

4. Find a new place to live. Our lease is up at the end of April and my roommate and I want to find somewhere else to live. Our upstairs neighbors are constantly annoying and now people who just moved in who share our carport keep leaving us notes saying we are parking too close to them. Ugh, can't people just relax about minuscule things? But regardless, I definitely want to find somewhere else.

That is about all I have for now. I'd love any ideas you guys have to stick with my goals and I want to hear yours! Also, be sure to enter my first contest ever!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

First contest ever!

Okay guys, here is the first contest ever. I've combined a few things that I'm really excited about.

First, here's the idea. I am loving all the new readers and definitely want to reach more and more people with my thoughts and my blog. I'd love for the people who like my blog to pass it on to others that they love. So, the person who gets the most people to follow my blog (whether they become a follower here on Blogger, Google reader, whatever...) will get a really cool bag from a website I'm really excited about! (I know most of my readers are female but if a male does win, please give me another idea since I'm sure guys wouldn't want a bag!)

The website is Elemental Threads. I believe I came across it on another blog. The idea is that you pick a bag (for this contest you'll get the small pouch!) and you can design it however you want. The winner will tell me the patterns they want and I will buy it and have it mailed out to them! :)

Here's an example of the pouch... but you customize the pattern to whatever you wish.

So here's the deal, tell as many people as you can about my blog and encourage them to check it out. Tell them to follow me (only if they like my blog!) and write a comment on this entry sharing the name of the person who recommended my blog. I will close this contest next Saturday. So by then, I will tally up the names and find out the winner (be sure to tell me if you're entering and write your e-mail address on this entry so I can contact you when you win!).

Hopefully none of you think of this as a greedy way to get more readers. I am merely excited to have people stumble across my site and reach people with my words. I love having new blogger friends and really wanted to open my first contest using the Elemental Threads website. I figured I would just combine these two things into a fun contest! Looking forward to getting a first winner and hearing from new people....

Sometimes I wish...

....I wasn't such a worry-wart.

Today in my car I had to honestly stop myself and say (outloud...yes I am crazy I guess, hehe!) "Lauren, stop worrying. Stop obsessing about hours from now and just live in the moment".

I'm constantly doing this. No, not talking to myself! ;) But obsessing. About my plans for later, what I'm going to eat, if I'm going to drive somewhere or the other person is. How I'm going to feel. What will happen in the next few minutes, few hours, few days. My mind is always on my schedule. Sometimes my mind is just a constant planner that I find myself shouting back to my mind: "Hey wait a minute! Enjoy what you're doing NOW!"

Isn't this one of those crazy human problems? We are given whatever amount of time we have but we don't know how long. And instead of enjoying feeling healthy, young, or happy in that moment...we worry if we will still feel that way in a day, a month, or a year from now. Maybe we all need that little voice in our heads to stop us from obsessing and planning and dreaming and scheming and live in the moment. Sure, we always need the planner in us or we would never get anything done. But sometimes, we just need that part of us to quiet down...if only for a moment so we can enjoy something.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

They make everything okay.

Do you have those people that make everything okay? That make you feel better no matter what?

I think we all do. I think we need that too.

For me, my mom is the one person that I need to tell me everything is okay to truly believe it. I get into fits of being so worried and anxious or I just don't know about something and when she tells me I'm okay, I believe her.

And then, there's someone that knows me more than anyone else. Who makes me feel better at the drop of a hat. That's my boy, Kev. A text, a smile, a hug from him will make me feel okay no matter what is going on.

What about you? Do you have people like this?

Hello Friends,

New year = new blog.

I was getting sick of my old blog layout (as adorable as it was) so I finally found the time today to change it up. I hope all of you like it and find it easy to navigate.

Another note, if you're on Facebook or the above links and be-friend me on those sites. I'd love to hear from you in all aspects of the Internet world. Also, don't be shy to e-mail me!

If you know of any companies or bloggers looking to be sponsored, tell them to send me an e-mail. I'm always accepting sponsors.

As always, I love all my new blogger friends...thank you to all my faithful readers and those who comment. You make my day. :)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

What I'm Lovin' Today!

I came across this website randomly not too long ago and every once in a while, my fingers find the bookmark and I spend a few minutes perusing this site.

F$@# Yeah Love!

I especially love sweet pictures of lovely couples like this one:

There are also lovely poems, short stories, etc. all about LOVE.

So really, what's not to love?

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Last Week of Break

As promised, I'll fill you in on my last and greatest week of Christmas vacation. I had a lovely Christmas, but I must say this past week has been great. I love having breaks and seeing my friends who come back from college and just having time to chill out.

I went sledding with my boyfriend, roomie, and some of my boyfriend's cousins.

Then went to see "Sherlock Holmes" which was AWESOME! I love mystery movies that you have to figure out. Plus, I've always found Robert Downy Jr. to be an actor that brings a great sense of wit to any movie he's in.


Did a little shopping with the gift cards I had from Christmas and got a great new purse.

Then had a lovely night with old friends playing Wii Fit. We definitely all looked like idiots and had some laughs. For anyone who has played, the one where you have to fly like a bird is the most ridiculous!

Saw "It's Complicated" (hilarious movie, John Krazinski from "The Office" was the best in it!) with one of my best friends. Bit awkward being in a theater being the two youngest girls there seeing a movie with sex and pot in it though, haha.

Took a walk downtown and listening to some local music with another good friend of mine.

New Years Eve! Had a fairly low-key night with a few friends and my boy.

Then the rest of the break I've done basically nothing but relax and sleep in. I'll need all that sleep since I start 8 am classes tomorrow, ugh! Today was lovely too, got my hair cut and met a best friend for lunch. Good luck to all of you with a new semester right around the corner!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

An Oxymoron

I've always thought of myself as a bit of an oxymoron.

I'm not really super girly but I'm no tomboy.

I'm definitely not a procrastinator but I can get pretty lazy.

I am independent yet needy.

I guess we all are a bit like this. We have both traits on either sides of the personality spectrum that come out at certain times. We can all be depressed sometimes and others the happiest person alive. I think that is what life is all about...oxymorons. Because, really, if we all were the same all the boring!

P.S. Sorry for the lack of postings lately. I was having way too much fun during my last week of Christmas break. :) I'll definitely update you all on what I did soon as I start to anticipate a new semester...

Kinda, Sorta how I feel about New Years this year.

"So this is the new year.
And I don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogs bleed into one"

New Year by Death Cab for Cutie