Spending Time Alone

If you don't know me, I'll tell you one thing I'm not sure I am ashamed about or proud of. I'm not like most 21 year olds. Yes, I'm young, have friends and a boyfriend, and sometimes go out. But most of the time, I don't. Being an only child and a homebody, I've always been pretty introverted. Also, being a writer and able to communicate more efficiently with my written words than with my mouth doesn't exactly help me become more outgoing.

I've spent many posts talking about being lonely and missing friends and doing a lot of things on my own. Not a lot has changed except that I've become more accepting of hanging out by my lonesome. Before, on a Saturday night when my boyfriend and friends around were busy and other friends were away at school, I would turn the night into a pity party. "I have no friends! No one wants to hang out with me!", I'd say, knowing it wasn't true. Sometimes my head still goes there but I do my best to squash it.

Lately, I've been trying to find new things to do to fill my time. I have a few internships, but there are often days where I have nothing planned. My boyfriend is in class and my friends are too or they're working. I started baking! You saw my post on chocolate covered pretzels and recently I also made chocolate chip banana cookies and watermelon smoothies. I play my Wii and work on my moves playing Just Dance 2. I'll go to the store and browse or simply stay home and write.

I'm trying to find the healthy balance between hanging out with people I love and being happy with spending more time alone and finding ways to fill my time if everyone is busy. What do you do to stay busy when you have to be alone?

Bored? This Year...No Way!

I recently came across this old blog entry of mine from last year around this time about boredom turning into an ugly monster filled with anxiety and loneliness. I can't help but think about this as I think about my part time schedule.

I love the fact that my new job has me working about three days a week. Those three days are busy filled with driving, learning new things, and working hard. So far, on my other days off I have had things to do and people to see. But that leads me to wonder...what about the days where everyone is busy and I get too bored?

As much as I think about it, I'm not worried yet. It is a year later and I am different. Instead of freaking out, I am reeling about the opportunities. I can call friends I don't see as much if my core group are busy. I can get fit and play my Wii! I can clean and organize and do things to help my parents. I can play with Buddy or Hannah. I can go run some errands or simply do a little window shopping (okay, maybe real shopping if I can spare the money!). I can work on this little 'ole blog or think of ways to do better at my job.

So this year when boredom strikes, I am going to do my best to beat it before it spirals out of control into something else I experience from time to time.

P.S. Happy MLK Jr. Day! Today I have work off and I'm off to a Pistons game. I bought tickets for my boy for Christmas. :)

An Ugly Monster of Boredom, Loneliness and Anxiety

Hmmm...is this semester over yet? I'm having a really hard time adjusting. You see, last semester I was a busy, busy bee. Sometimes I didn't mind it and it kept me doing things, but sometimes I hated it when I had no free time to just chill out and relax or see my family and friends. This semester is a different story.

Seeing as last semester I barely had any free time, this time I decided to not work as much to focus on classes and have tons of time to hang with my boy and family. Well, when the people I want to see are all busy + all my homework is done + it is too gloomy and cold outside to do anything = boredom and loneliness galore!

Being lonely is the worst feeling in the world. It eats me alive. I love having time to myself...for a few hours. Then once a few hours passes and everyone is busy and there's nothing to do...a harmless case of boredom turns itself into the ugly monster of lonelyanxiety. I had to drive home today to see my parents just because I couldn't take it anymore. This isn't a part of myself I like. I don't like crying and having my stomach form into knots simply because I can't let my mind get too bored.

Anyone else have problems like this? Any suggestions for when I have nothing to do and on top of that I'm feeling lazy? Thanks guys. :)

Us Girls all Need a Girl Best Friend

I must confess I have been feeling really down lately and on my drive home from my parent's house, I realized why. I don't really have a girl best friend right now. My boy is my best friend, but that is really not the same as a girl best friend. He's in for a little gossiping, but it isn't the same. I can't go shopping with him and I feel bad making him watch super girly movies and things like that. I also consider my mom a friend, but it really isn't the same as someone my own age. She's a best friend, but she's still my mom.

This has been a problem for me since college started really. My very best friend who I've been friends with for years moved in high school and we still keep in touch, but she's not here. Same goes with all my best friends from high school who went away to school. I still talk to them and hang out with them while they're here, but the feeling of not being needed anymore grows increasingly with every visit. We are all busy so the phone calls and texts and Facebook comments are less and less. When time finally comes for vacations, I see them once or twice and have a great time, but realize that they seem to be much more involved in their school lives that don't include me.

Even the few friends I have around here at school are busy. I definitely understand because I know I'm busy too. But hanging out becomes plans weeks in advance for an hour lunch and then we don't see each other for months because of bad timing. These days, I don't even see my roomie very much. Our schedules clash, she's leaving as I'm coming, and sometimes I don't even think she wants to hang out anymore.

I guess it has just becoming increasingly clear I desperately want a girl best friend and don't have one. I love the friends I have, don't get me wrong! I have best friends, but the distance and schedules make it tough. I wish someone was here close to me, who had time for me, who I could talk to about anything. It is just a bad feeling when it feels like it is something that can't really be fixed.