Tuesday, April 14, 2009

My Weakness is That I Care Too Much

"Scars" by Papa Roach [partial lyrics]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

And I tried to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
--
I feel this song almost perfectly describes situations as of late. I don't want to go into it at all, and yes everything is fine so no worries, but it helped me to write this blog entry. Some of the things I pride myself on about my personality can also be my greatest downfalls. Isn't that usually how it works? I try to be honest all the time, but sometimes being brutally honest causes bad feelings. I care so much about people that it causes me to try to help too much and it makes me lose friends. Isn't that ironic? Trying so hard to help someone can ultimately make them hate you? Looking back at my life, I see friends gained and friends lost... some for the better and some for the worse. I look at every fight I've ever had and I see myself apologizing, even when I don't believe it is truly my fault. I am not sitting here on a throne, claiming to be a saint, I admit to my faults and screw-ups and I take them in stride. I believe this post goes with my last: life goes on. Whatever happens, happens and I truly believe there is a reason in all of it. Life is constantly giving me reasons to be thankful for my true friends and my loving boyfriend, who listen to me vent and offer advice, who forgive me quickly and love me and my faults, and who see the caring person that is always there. While tears may fall due to the fact that a majority of my support system and the people I love most are away for most of the year, I find solace that I know they are only a phone call away and that they are always there for me, even hours away. So today I hold my head up high, confident in my heart and its good intentions even when others question my character. I smile because I think of all my friends and family and I send my love out to them. I sigh because I am still learning from my mistakes. And I laugh instead of cringe at any awkward situations that may come of the future. I am happy that I am still living and learning and loving.

4 comments:

  1. hey,
    I know you feel this way but know i am only a phone call away too and i dont mind listening to you. i love helping you too!!!! Im sorry for the short phone convo tonight. i promise to call you sometime this week hopefully tomorrow!!!!

    Rember i am always here for you!!!

    Rachel

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  2. Thanks Rachel! I will be talking to you soon, I miss you so much!

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  3. Lauren,
    You being honest I believe is your best attribute to your wonderful personality. It was almost two years ago you were brutally honest with me about a subject I think both you and I know what I am talking about. I will admit that at first it seemed a little harsh, and I was off in my own different world and I thought you did not understand why I was doing what I did. But now I look back on it, and that honesty, that advice you gave me was the best thing I could have heard at that time. You really helped me see through to the other side, and where I am now is because of that. So my point of this is just to tell you, don’t be afraid to be brutally honest with people who you care about, because you are going in because you care. Eventually they will appreciate it, and thank you for it in the end, like I have done. You have a wonderful talent that God has given to you, so don't be afraid to use it. You know if you ever need somebody to talk to, to vent to no matter time day or night I WILL BE HERE for you!

    Oh and keep in mind this: "Life, it’s all about learning, mistakes happen and yet we become more noble and stronger because of them." That is just a saying I kinda cam up with on my own.. There is more to it, but this is important to what you have expressed in your blog. When ever I am feeling like I have done something "wrong" or should have done something else I think about this and it helps me get through the day. Life is too short to worry, just take the days one at a time :)
    Love you!

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  4. Thanks Tiffany, I really appreciate this post and I love the quote you made up... I don't think you give yourself enough credit either as far as being wise goes :) I feel so lucky to have a friend like you and I am so glad that you can thank me for things I said that may have hurt you in the past! I'm also glad you know that I only do such things because I care about my friends and I want to see them doing as well as they possibly can.
    Love you!

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