My Weakness is That I Care Too Much

"Scars" by Papa Roach [partial lyrics]

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

And I tried to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
--
I feel this song almost perfectly describes situations as of late. I don't want to go into it at all, and yes everything is fine so no worries, but it helped me to write this blog entry. Some of the things I pride myself on about my personality can also be my greatest downfalls. Isn't that usually how it works? I try to be honest all the time, but sometimes being brutally honest causes bad feelings. I care so much about people that it causes me to try to help too much and it makes me lose friends. Isn't that ironic? Trying so hard to help someone can ultimately make them hate you? Looking back at my life, I see friends gained and friends lost... some for the better and some for the worse. I look at every fight I've ever had and I see myself apologizing, even when I don't believe it is truly my fault. I am not sitting here on a throne, claiming to be a saint, I admit to my faults and screw-ups and I take them in stride. I believe this post goes with my last: life goes on. Whatever happens, happens and I truly believe there is a reason in all of it. Life is constantly giving me reasons to be thankful for my true friends and my loving boyfriend, who listen to me vent and offer advice, who forgive me quickly and love me and my faults, and who see the caring person that is always there. While tears may fall due to the fact that a majority of my support system and the people I love most are away for most of the year, I find solace that I know they are only a phone call away and that they are always there for me, even hours away. So today I hold my head up high, confident in my heart and its good intentions even when others question my character. I smile because I think of all my friends and family and I send my love out to them. I sigh because I am still learning from my mistakes. And I laugh instead of cringe at any awkward situations that may come of the future. I am happy that I am still living and learning and loving.