Okay, okay, I don't really hate all people. :P But is being shy and an introvert really all that bad?While watching the first episode of this season's "America's Next Top Model", I discovered something I know quite well. That shy or quiet girls are considered "weird". One girl on the show who didn't talk as much as the other girls is constantly questioned by the others as to "what her problem is" or "why doesn't she talk as much?" or "why is she so weird?". Being often quiet myself, I was annoyed.
When did society deem introverts less worthy than extroverts? Aren't people who talk too much more annoying that those who like to think rather than say all their thoughts out loud?
I sometimes prefer silence. I will gladly tell you I hate small talk. When I go get my nails done, I don't really want to talk meaninglessly to the nail technician. Maybe you'll see it as unfriendly, but I see it as real. Sometimes I just prefer to relax and not have to worry about talking to someone I don't really care to talk to. Perhaps it is also my love for words that I don't like to waste them. I don't know but I wish I wasn't thought of as weird because I prefer silence or don't know what to say or just want to listen.
If I know you and like you, I'll talk. I talk to you all in my blog. Sometimes if I am quiet it doesn't mean I don't like you, it just means I would rather listen. So next time, if you are blessed with the gift of gab, don't judge those who aren't.
As an older person who is quiet ans has always been I'd like to say don't ever allow other to define who you are. I was told repeatedly while growing up that I was shy, but I am not shy never have been, I am just quiet, more introspective. I am not weird, strange or misanthropic. I love people, am a great talker when it's called for, I just don't like all the nonsense small talk that people engage in. I have no fear of people, will blow your socks off with a presentation, am quite normal in habits have never been arrested or involved in questionable activities, unless cooking with a slow cooker is suspect.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing shy about me, I can engage anyone in conversation as long as it is more than yep, that's the way it is, or some I, I I litany. I teach students of varying ages and my students make me feel loved and appreciated, not weird and suspect.
Being extroverted is not some pinnacle of personality success, not is introversion the epitome of dysfunction. It is just a different way that people relate to the world and both are needed to get through this thing we call life. Introverts have enormous gifts to contribute and because others don't understand you, well that's their problem. They obviously are not so outside of themselves to understand others. Introverts may be made by circumstances or it could be your natural persona, but in either case, there is nothing wrong or that needs to fixed about you other than the assumption that something is wrong with you. This kind of thinking is anthetical to the human condition, it's like insisting everyone have brown eyes and if not, then something is wrong.
Embrace your introvertedness, enjoy the profound meaning you may find in being human, the joy of being silent while all are screaming and making crazy talk, take care of the silence and quiet you have as part of your make-up. You are not alone, nor are you weird, strange, different or someone who should be on the outside of others. Accept yourself as you are, be resolute with what is in your heart. You are an exceptional gift and in time you may find out that what makes you strange to the masses, will make you a joy to those who need to be heard. Introverts listen deeply, extroverts hear very little. You will be fine when you cease questioning who you are. My prayers are always with you!
Thank you for the comment! It made my night. :)
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing the matter with quieter people, whether introverted or shy or both – like myself.
ReplyDeleteWe’re around for a reason, to counsel the crazy extroverts. LOL. At least that’s one theory. When the bold rush in where smarter people hang back somebody has to be left alive to run things. Anyway, that’s one theory. We’re all just a part of human diversity, universal balance. So happens that in this ultra competitive, fast paced society where the loudest person stands out, being an extrovert is over prized. In other societies quieter people are valued like China and Japan for instance. I like extroverts, but frankly I’m glad I’m not one. I find them overly dependent on face time and yammering. It’s good to be social – but where’s the balance? Is it really necessary to have someone, anyone, by your side every minute? Sounds annoying and exhausting to me. At least as an introvert I don’t feel the need to hang out with people I don’t particularly care for just so I can talk at somebody. But I have been used this way by extroverts. Who do they really value? Sometimes it’s diffiuclut to know. With an introvert you know, because our energy is precious and we’re not going to waste it on meaningless interaction with people we don’t value. I think that’s a good thing.
I like the way you think Blogsterbater!
ReplyDeleteI think this is just how American society is.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually not an extrovert or an introvert... I'd like to see myself as kind of in the middle. But anyhow, I grew up in an Asian household so I can tell you that not every culture values louder people. It's kind of nice (being Asian American) because the cultures are such polar opposites I see things most people normally miss.
In Asian culture they appreciate people who are quiet much more and they are seen as humble, hard working, and easy to get along with. The loud people are the weird ones then and they're more likely to be seen as rude and chaotic. :P
It's just whatever you have been conditioned to believe - by society or otherwise.(:
i feel exactlt the same way y ami seen as weird just becus im quiet i try changing myself but it doesnt work being queit is not just weird to others but they also look at yu as a loser if i dont wanna talk its my choice seriously talking is a waste of time.. well when its not needed
ReplyDeletelol I know just how you feel I sometimes want to say.."Please just cut my hair. lets have a quite moment together something we will always have to look back on" I go for the cut not looking for more friends and I really don't care about the chile you made yesterday!!!! I think quite can se sexy, depending on the body language!! I started following you and tweeted
ReplyDeletehttp://jpweddingphotograpy.blogspot.com/2011/08/photographs-for-magnificent-monday.html
I agree Jim! Sometimes we all just need to be quiet. Thanks for following! :)
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say I'm quiet/uncommunicative or anything along those lines. I just prefer to reserve my words for people who are likely to demonstrate real interest in what I'm saying. There are lots of people out there who are marvelous at making small talk but shy away when you want to discuss more substantial topics. I'm a naturally curious person who likes to know more about other people, their occupations and experiences, but I'm becoming more and more quiet because it has become evident that most people don't really want to communicate beyond a superficial level. So I'd say the really "quiet" ones are the people who talk a lot without really saying anything. Well, when they decide to tone down the content-free social performance and have a nice, interesting and unpretentious conversation, I'll be happy to engage them in one. Good post Lauren. :)
ReplyDelete- a random internet visitor who loves to leave comments for good blogs
By the way, a nice article on the same subject. Enjoy!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.npr.org/2011/02/22/133958245/shhhh-quiet-people-at-work
Totally agree. Great article. omggg loveee it girl.
ReplyDeletei hate being called weird or people take advantage of me just because i'm quiet. so that's why i became emo.
ReplyDeleteI'm a quiet person myself. Some people distance themselves for all sorts of reasons . I prefer not to engage in their conversation sometimes because it doesn't have any substance at all . They probably think I'm weird but to those who really know me , we can have endless conversations and have a great time . I was surprised to hear from a work colleague that I didn't have enough confidence . I just ignored it because we might have different definitions of the word confidence . I'm a quiet achiever , and anything I feel that gives me negative vibes , I ignore .
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. The sad thing about people is that they percieve an introvert as someone who is socially inept, who lacks confidence, but the people I have met that possess the most confidence and self awareness has been quiet people. We are not socially awkward, nor are we incapable of engaging in conversation. We are just different, and to some people, that is a sign of weakness.
DeleteI have been coined quiet my entire life, and used to see it as something to be ashamed of. But as I have gotten older and expanded my world, I have realized that I have nothing to be ashamed of, because I am a unique individual who possesses a voice and confidence no one else can. And anyone who truly knows me understands that they will never meet anyone like me, for I am unlike anyone else.
And that, to me, is more powerful than any extrovert.
just because i don't talk doesn't mean i hate you, it means i'm holding back my awesomeness so i don't intimidate you... ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you for this topic. I've always been quiet; it runs in the family. I've found that most extroverts don't understand introverts anywhere near as well as we understand them. "Still waters run deep." I would much rather hang out with other introverts; they don't talk unless they have something worth saying.
ReplyDeletequiet people are not that bad, actually some are very chatty. i am a quiet person and also feel people think of me as wierd, but i ignore them. You are the way you are made and nothing can change that.No one can chage you, this is how you were born to be.
ReplyDeleteI feel the exact same way. People think I am weird because I am shy and quiet. I personally find loud people annyoing. I don't want to be able to hear their converations across the room . I also hat small talk. It is so annoying when you go to get your hair done and the person keeps talking to you when you just want to relax. They then think it is "award silence" no it is awesome silence! Anyway thanks for posting this I hat how society thinks that shy people are weird, I would say that almost all shy people are smarter and loud people.
ReplyDeletethis actually really helped me. I'm in high school right now and I've always been that girl in classes that rarely spoke. People always called me quiet and shy, and in high school it just got worse. I always sensed people felt uncomfortable in my presence, possibly even calling me mute behind my back.
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends unconsciously offended me by describing me as "that girl that never talks". I even managed to lose a best friend over my disposition.
Recently, one of my classmates was talking about me and called me creepy because she never saw me talk. I told myself, just because she's well-liked and fun doesn't mean her opinion is true. But as the day went on, I couldn't get it out of my head. Was I really that odd because I'm quiet and don't like forcing a laugh or smile at one of her jokes? So I googled, "is it creepy to be abnormaly quiet" and found this. Reading this and the comments really helped me accept myself again. So, I guess, thanks. :)
I am so glad this helped you! Just because you don't talk as much as others doesn't mean that you aren't fun or an amazing friend. Keep your head up! :)
ReplyDelete