Sunday, July 26, 2009

I Can Be So Intense

I started this post weeks ago and never found a way to really write it, but having more examples I feel I can explain a part of me that I consider lovely yet threatens to break me. I feel things very intensely. I can't remember a time when I wasn't this way. Watching a movie in 1st grade about a dog getting sick and dying brought me to tears as I thought about all the pets I've loved. Lately, watching a little boy have to call his mom because he can't go to sleep without her. A friend tearing up talking about a boy who betrayed her. Watching these people suffer brought tears to my own eyes. I can't help but feel sad when people I care about are hurting. I can't help but to get angry right along with them or sometimes feel the joy I can see in their eyes.

And then it comes to love. When I love, I really love. I feel it in my every bone and I wear it on my sleeve. I like to think that I shower the people I love with those feelings and with appreciation.

For most other feelings it can be construed as good or bad... when I am angry, I can almost feel it rising within me. I want to punch a wall or throw something just to get it out. When I am sad about something, sometimes it overtakes me and things build up. I let little things get to me and I worry and stress about everything. I always considered those flaws, but now I realize it might just be me being passionate in life. Some people go through life numb and don't feel everything as real as they should. Perhaps I am just picking up their slack...

Another side is that sometimes when I feel things so intensely I expect others to be the same, I expect so much from others... I want to be treated the way I treat others but that is never really the case is it? It reminds me of this song lyrics,

I'm tired of tryin' cauz' I don't get nothing back...

Don't we all feel that way sometimes with our relationships? Haven't we all had friends that never call us and never act like they care unless we make the initial effort? Some people may not be bothered by this, but I find myself almost needing people to be as passionate as I am. But life shows me that I have to just carry on with the passion I have, knowing it is neither too good or too bad and that is just me. I cry when others cry. I stress out easily. I feel pain and joy pretty intensely sometimes. That's just me.

1 comment:

  1. I'm a lot like that. I also think you may be from my hometown?


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