One of my biggest pet peeves is when a friend seems to drop me for a boy or even when she is still around sometimes but mostly just obsesses over the fact she has the best boyfriend ever. I think what hit the nail in the head for me was finding out about a friend I rarely see on account she is mainly with her boyfriend, that one of the rare occasions the two of us got to chill alone, she seemed rushed to leave after a while. I knew her parents were strict and she said she had to go home. Then I find out she scurried over to her boyfriend's. That doesn't make me feel very good at all. I have always been very proud of the fact I still work really hard to hang out with my boyfriend and friends separately and sometimes together. I don't think anyone can say I have ditched them to hang out with him and I am SO GLAD for that. No matter what kind of relationship you are in, I think the healthiest thing is to still keep a dose of your independence. That's what love is, caring for someone and still caring for yourself. If whoever you are dating wants to take away that independence from you, that is not love at all.
I think the main thing is the difference between love and obsession. I really believe you can love someone and be caught up with obsession as well. I could be wrong and someone could disagree with this but here are a few things I came up with to explain the difference in my eyes between healthy love and love obsession.
HEALTHY = A text or two during the day to see how the other's day is going. Or a phone call or IM at the end of the day.
OBSESSION = Constantly texting, IMing, talking on the phone. Like, if you spend every free second you have in a day to talk to that person, it seems a bit much.
HEALTHY = Being okay with a weekend spent apart. Sure, you'll miss each other but you look at it as a way to be with other friends or do something alone. I do believe absence in small doses makes the heart grow way fonder.
OBSESSION = Freaking out about any significant time spent apart. Finding ways so you don't have to be without your sweetie for more than a day, even if it means neglecting time spent alone with your friends.
There are tons more, I'm sure, but I found this article and I think it explains my thoughts exactly.
"Obsessive feelings are often mistaken for love because people rationalize that, “It must be love if I can’t think of anyone else.” Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around once people have seen each other flaws and all. In fact, obsession can be made worse with time while lust always fades. Love can grow out of lust but obsession kills love every time. The more time and effort invested in an unhealthy obsession based relationship the more intense the obsession can become and the more damage is done. People in an obsessed state have a one-track mind where the other person is concerned to the point where they often lose touch with who they are as an individual. This loss of individuality creates a vicious circle of behavior where the obsessed person grows more and more dependant on the other person and on the relationship in general. Even so called unrequited love (love that is not returned) can become an overwhelming obsession. This is where obsession gets dangerous. When one person believes they are in a relationship that doesn’t truly exist, or when one person is more invested in an existing relationship than the other, the foundation for an obsession has been laid. So how do you recognize an obsession? There are signs. If all of your time and effort goes in to satisfying the needs of another or in chasing after another person then you are at risk of becoming obsessed. If one person is always trying to please the other person or if the relationship is without consideration and compromise then it could be based on obsessive feelings rather than real love. Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is debilitating and takes away from the psyche of the person caught up in it. If you feel like you have lost yourself, if you are always striving to please your partner without them doing the same for you, and if you find yourself making all your decisions in your life based on the feelings and needs of the other person you are obsessed and not in a real love relationship." [From About.com]
I apologize if anyone reads this and it hurts their feelings. It was just something I have been dealing with a lot lately and I had to get it out somehow and my blog is the best way to do it.
