I Just Can't Relax!

Do you ever hear someone say something or read something that just strikes a chord with you? You sit there and think: "Wow I am the exact same way and I never really realized it in that way before." This happened recently over on ASKinyourface.com. One of our loyal readers wrote this comment on an article about getting rid of bad habits:

Shen says:

August 4, 2011 at 1:52 pm

I enjoyed reading this for many reasons; I am guilty of certain ‘addictive’ or ‘negative’ habits, but then I also think it’s important to define what makes them negative–and that isn’t easy. I think negativity enters in when one habit interferes with other important things. My negative habit is being overscrupulous; I have to do everything, and I have to do it at 150% capacity, and I lack the ability to practice self-nurturing. I have to answer all e-mails, I have to be the BEST teacher, the BEST mother, and the BEST friend. I am also faithful with yoga, meditation and working out. I have forgotten how to relax, read and just ‘BE.’ If I am watching a movie I adore, I am also thinking about the dishes that need to be put away, or a call I forgot to return. It is difficult to replace obligatory habits with self-healing ones, but I am sure open to options.

When I read about her bad habit being "over-scrupulous" and her description of it, I thought, "Wow that's me!" I often think to myself about how I can rarely ever truly relax because I'm always worried about something, thinking about my next work tasks, my future appointments or things I've scheduled to do. While thinking about the future, planning, organizing, doing my best work, and working hard are all good qualities: what happens when you start to obsess over things?

Always the first thing I do when I wake up is check my phone and my emails and immediately start answering and often do a few hours of work in my pajamas. Otherwise, I would be getting up and getting ready too quickly in order to go straight to work. Working in my pjs is one of the true perks to working from home, but where do I draw the line?

I want to be able to find the balance between work and play. I can rarely ever truly relax until after all my work is done, there are no starred emails in my inbox, and I tend to freak out when I have a to-do list as long as my desk and feel the need to get everything done RIGHT NOW.

I am starting to think of a better morning ritual. If I get up early enough, I should be going for a walk, stretching, making myself breakfast and relaxing instead of jumping out of bed, grabbing a granola bar and diving right into my emails.

Anyone else out there "over-scrupulous"? Any tips for me? I'll be thinking about this and hopefully writing another blog soon on the topic.

I Do My Best Thinking on a Bike

Long bike rides by myself with no music are when I tend to do my best thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about many different things. Over thinking in fact. Of course about my future. Luckily, I've decided a few things (for now).

I am going to enjoy this summer. I've been aching to do more outdoorsy and social things lately and I want to continue. I want to enjoy this beautiful weather that I've been wanting for so long before another dreaded winter comes.

For now, I am going to keep doing my small jobs. Sure, it is not a lot of money and I won't be able to save much. But in the fall, I will start a more ambitious job hunt. Lately, I had a lot of unsuccessful interviews and have been feeling panicked that I will be forced to take a job I hate that will leave me exhausted and with no time for anything I enjoy. So for now, I am going to enjoy these jobs that I love. In the fall, I will search for something full-time or even try to take some part-time job along with my freelancing so I can save more money. I will keep praying that something perfect for me will come along at the right time and try not to stress so much about it.

There are other things I've been contemplating lately and at times I kind of drive myself crazy with it the way I do thinking about jobs and money. But right now I have decided to stay in the present and enjoy what I have. To let things happen as they happen and not over think every little thing. I trust that God will show me the right paths to follow and that things will work out the way they are supposed to.

So here's my vow to myself and you are obliged to hold me to this! I will stop worrying so much, over thinking every thought and decision, stop listening to everyone tell me what they think I should do, follow my heart, and let God help me enjoy the present and follow the right future.

I feel so much better!

Future Obsessed

I have a problem that probably most people have. Especially post grads. A bad case of being "Future Obsessed".

What is future obsessed you might say? Most of the time I am pretty much thinking about the future. What job am I going to have? Will I be happy doing said job? Is my boyfriend going to graduate soon? Will he find a good job? Will I be able to save to buy a new car? Will I be able to move out of my parent's house? Who will I live with? Etc. Etc.

Now let me hit myself in the head. It is definitely good to have the future in mind. If you didn't think about your future, you wouldn't be motivated to do anything for yourself or think about how you'd like your life to turn out. But thinking too much and dare I say, worrying so much about it is not healthy.

I have to sit back sometimes and think, I'm 21. I do need to find a way to make money and save up for things. I need to find out what I want to do with my life. But I really do not need to worry about it so much right now. I don't need to worry so much about what my boyfriend is doing. I love him and I want him to do well, but he should be worrying about himself.

So here I am letting this go and feel free to tell me what's up if I start obsessing about the future again. Anyone else have problems thinking too much about the future?

Choices

I've been thinking a lot lately about choices. I've always been a big believer in fate, but also in choices. Each choice you make in life leads you down different paths. Sometimes, whatever choice you make is going to make someone else angry or hurt, but in the end you just have to do what make you happy and what is right for you.

Sometimes these are small choices, like where to eat for dinner, and other times they are larger, like where to work that will help you advance. Sometimes decisions are easier and others take more time; some you make quickly and others have you stalling for answers. The hard thing about choices is that sometimes they affect your future and you just can't see how yet. You have to quickly decide to do this or to do that and hope that everything works out. Sometimes it will and sometimes it won't. That really is the fun and heartbreaking part in life.

But remember, your choices are yours and your future has yet to play out. So choose wisely and know that the future is yours for the making.

Thinking About the Future

The future has been on my mind a lot lately. Graduation is something that doesn't seem so far away (December 2010!) and the ideas of graduation from college, finding a job that I love, and moving forward with my life are both thrilling and nerve-wracking.

The bad thing is I feel like I will be back-tracking for a while. When my lease is up in May, I'm most likely moving back in with my parents until the time comes of graduation and getting a job in which I can afford to be on my own, for real. It is so tough trying to decide things months in advance. My roommate doesn't graduate until next spring and she's thinking of graduate school so obviously she wants to sign a long lease. But, my parents won't pay my rent after December. I'd hate to sign a lease on the good faith I'll have a decent paying job in 2011 or that I'll be able to save enough money so I won't be broke all the time. I wouldn't want to do that to myself or to my roommate, since if I can't afford it on my own, she'd be forced to find someone else on short notice next winter. So, it has been a bit of a frustrating time trying to compromise and figure out what is going to be best for the both of us.

So the other day I decided to simply make a pro/con list. Because lists are fabulous. :)


Moving back home with my parents:

PROS
1. Save Money (Even though they are paying for rent, I would be saving money spent on utility bills, groceries, cleaning products, etc.)
2. Save gas money and be closer to things like my boyfriend, work, etc.
3. Not have to deal with noisy and weird neighbors
4. Won’t have to make as many meals for myself and things like that
5. Won’t have to deal with living with someone who isn’t as neat as I am (nothing against her, we are just different in those ways...I wish I wasn't such a clean freak :-/)
6. My parents said they will buy me a new, bigger TV for my room (I don’t really care about this because the TV I have now was a present from my deceased grandpa, but it just feels like it should go in the pro section)
7. Won’t have the possibility of accidentally screwing over my roommate in case I can’t make enough money when I graduate


CONS
1. Less freedom (I’d like to think my parents would be more relaxed with things, but it would still be different than not having anyone to tell what I’m doing or have absolute privacy)
2. Less privacy
3. Have to share a bathroom again (I hated sharing one with my dad!)
4. Have to listen to my dad’s snoring
5. Farther away from school again (I have mostly online classes though so this isn’t that terrible)
6. Will have to move all my things again
7. More opportunities to argue with my parents (Now it is a great relationship because I don’t see them as much, but when living with them again comes into play, arguments are bound to come up)

So it is a lot to think about. Anyone have tips about living situations, graduation, getting a job, thinking about the future, etc.?

Also! Don't forget to ask me some questions. I'm waiting for a few more before I post an answer entry...

Past, Present, or Future Thinker?

Have you ever heard that there are two types of people (based on how you live your life and where your thoughts are...)?

The first are past people, the woulda-coulda-shoulda folks. Those are the people who dwell in the past and constantly wonder what they could have done better or how their lives would be different now if they just changed that one thing. These are the people who regret. Who live life wondering about their past experiences.

And then there are the future people. These people constantly plan and think about their futures. What they will do, who they will be with, what will happen... and they do everything they can to make sure their future lives up to the one in their head. They worry, worry, worry about anything and everything.

I must say, I fall into the latter. Most of my thoughts are focused on that paper that is due, the assignments I have left, the rest of my day, the rest of my week, and the rest of my life. Silly isn't it? I find myself having difficulty living in the moment. I suppose there should be a third type, the person that lives in the moment. In my eyes, those people are very rare and if you happen to meet one, you should really learn something from them.

So whether you are a past thinker, a future thinker, or the lucky one who lives in every moment...think about it. Think about the way you think and decide if you're happy with it, because well, if you're not, go ahead and change it! You can do it, I promise.

So what type of thinker are you? Do you like being this way? Fill me in friends!

Seeing the Future

Have you ever had a weird feeling something was going to happen...and then it did?

I have these every once in a while. I guess you could call them premonitions. I wish they were about something cool or exciting, but usually they are very ordinary. For example, I had two this week.

One was about my boyfriend chosing Olive Garden for our dinner date and one was about the girl I was babysitting last night having a stomachache. Silly, right?

What do these premonitions mean? They can have serious consequences in movies like "The Final Destination". (Thank goodness mine are trivial and not about death!) Do you think we are sometimes supposed to see part of our future to prepare for it?

What about all of you, do you ever have these premonitions? What do you call them? Tell me all about it. :)

Having a Down Day.

Do you ever just get the feeling that your life is full of obligations and you spend the majority of your days counting down the hours, wanting to be somewhere else?

I've found myself doing so lately.

Being a college student, I have a job that doesn't really interest me but just generally pays the bills and also babysits on the side. And yes, being a college student that means class. While I haven't started yet (due to teacher strikes, yikes!) I am already stressed out thinking about it. I have never liked school from Kindergarten onward. I still hate it. I know, I know... I should be excited to learn and grow but I am definitely not excited about taking classes that are required and spending money to sit in class and listen to a teacher drone on about things I care very little about.

And yes, by the time I am excited to be off work, done with babysitting, and have a break from class and homework... I am simply too tired. I still see my friends and family, but it is strained. More than a few times, instead of spending quality time with my boyfriend, I fall asleep. Instead of going out with friends, I have to go to bed early instead.

I wish I could fix this. I wish I could just learn to be more optimistic and enjoy my free time as well as my obligations, but it is constantly a struggle for me. Some days are okay, some are great, some are just plain annoying. So today, I apologize, it is a day I just need to complain. And only hope that my future is bright with a job I enjoy and more time to be happy with how my time is spent.

Your Future Awaits

There are two very different sides to the future and two very different ways of thinking about it.

One is fear and the other is excitement.

Fear.
Our futures are unknown to us. We don't know what we'll be doing in a year from now, a month, a day, even sometimes a few hours. We plan the best we can, but life throws unwanted obstacles our way that mess up these plans. A song by the band Death Cab for Cutie puts it in a way that I love, "Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time". It's true, we plan our days as if things will always work out the way we want them to, but in reality, things change daily. We could fear our future and think of all the bad things that may or may not happen to us. We could all die tomorrow, sure, but that is certainly not the way I would like to go around thinking about my life and the days ahead.

Excitement.
Planning sometimes can bring us joy. I know the excitement I feel while gearing towards a vacation or a holiday... the simply anticipation is sometimes even better than the actual event. Our futures are a clean slate. You can be whoever you want to be, you can have whatever you want, and you can make your future into whatever you're dreaming of. If you choose to live in fear, you're missing out. While unknown events will always strike, causing temporary setbacks and heartbreak, you can relax knowing that tomorrow will surely come and that you can make it better. There's no expectations if you don't make them, there's no worries, there's no fear if you eliminate it. There's just pure joy in thinking that you have a great future and you can make it the one you've always dreamed of.