Guest Post: Three Creative Ways to Keep an LDR Exciting

My husband (then-boyfriend) John and I had our taste of a long-distance relationship. It was a time when mobile messaging and social networking sites were unheard of (or at least we thought), and we relied heavily on snail mail for correspondence. There were days of hair-tearing uncertainty and fist-eating impatience, replaced by boundless joy when the much awaited mail or package finally came. Suffice it to say our relationship had the proverbial sword of Damocles hanging above it, but we managed to reunite, and eventually marry and start a family.

These days, technological advancements have significantly lessened the anxiety caused by long-distance relationship correspondents, and communication has become real-time and easier to do. Still, many LDR couples find themselves giving up because of misunderstanding or lack of communication. If my husband and I had the kind of communication gadgets and technology today, we would have had an easier time. Below are three of the most creative ways I have thought of doing with the Internet and technological tools:

1. Get in sync for a picnic or dinner together.

Impossible? Not with a web cam and instant messaging system. Even if you live in totally different time zones, planning a picnic or dinner within viewing distance of a cam allows for the miles between you to virtually melt away. Block off a date and time, and plan around the event just as you would a real live meeting. Dress up if you like. It makes for a nice change from all the times that you chat casually on cam while eating and typing (with greasy fingers, most likely!).  Set the table or picnic blanket with elegant dinnerware and converse as you dine.

2. Send care packages just because.

While it’s nice to send out gifts during special occasions, spicing up an LDR sometimes means sending out surprise care packages for no real reason other than to make your significant other happy. You can go with themes for each package, such as Date, Anniversary, etc. Then select certain objects that can go in the package to remind them of that theme. For instance, a date care package can contain long stemmed roses, elegant dinnerware and table napkins, a bottle of wine, and a box of chocolates. Be as creative as you can, and it’s bound to be sweetly rewarded.

3. Make musical compilations to tell the story of your relationship.

Songs have a way of telling our stories for us, so get creative on the mix CDs and MP3 compilations. It could be biographical (a musical set-list that describes your partner) or about where you see your relationship going. It could be about longing, and being hopeful. It could be about anything you feel. There are so many songs whose words you can use to tell your feelings, so start making lists and compilations for your faraway loved ones.  

This guest blog post was written by Kristen Swope, a proud WAHM (work at home mom) to five year-old Isabel, and a loving wife to John. She has withstood the tests of a long- distance relationship and ended up marrying the man of her dreams. They now live in Fremont in a house with a kidney-shaped swimming pool.

Guest Post: Tips To Strengthen Your Long Distance Relationship

Relationships of any kind take a lot of hard work and patience. Being able to do so face to face is a huge plus, a plus that’s absent in long distance relationships. Distance can complicate small matters and lead to unnecessary heartache. Here are 25 tips on how you can work to maintain a healthy long distance relationship.

1. Agree on the relationship parameters: Right at the onset, both of you should understand the nature of your relationship and how much you are willing to sacrifice for each other. Are you prepared to relocate to be near your partner? Is this a mutually exclusive relationship or are you allowed to date others?
2. Set up communication channels and timeframes: When you’re away from each other, calling at random times might be inconvenient. Again, if your call is not received properly, it’ll give rise to suspicions. To avoid all this, set up daily or weekly calls.
3. Share everything: Being away from each other, you miss a great part of the daily camaraderie. Make it a point to share as much as possible about your daily lives, the people you meet and the things you do. This allows the other to feel as much a part of your life as possible.
4. Enjoy things together: Watch a TV show or movie at the same time, with the phone on so you can share your opinions and thoughts. Come up with creative ideas to ‘do’ things together, the way you would if you were living in the same place.
5. See each other often: Web cams are a great way of seeing the person you love. Set up web conferences; do not dress up for the web cam. Be natural, just as you would be if you were next to that person.
6. E-mail each other: Share news, forward jokes and send each other greetings for every occasion via email. Make an effort to make your emails warm, loving and detailed, to show you care.
7. Send gifts to each other: You don’t need an occasion; just send small gifts, books or flowers whenever you are able. Make it spontaneous!
8. Set up reminders: Use good reminder software to set up reminders of important dates. Include your partner’s special days, your special days as a couple and birthdays of your partners’ friends. Always remember to commemorate special days.
9. Don’t forget friends: Send cards or gifts to your partner’s friends on their birthdays; this extra effort will not go unnoticed.
10. Pursue common interests: Take up similar hobbies, or attend similar events in your individual cities. You can compare notes later and enjoy the shared camaraderie.
11. Find creative ways to bond: Join an online forum together, follow each other Twitter, and take up an online course together – you can come up endless creative ideas to bond.
12. Give and take space: Don’t hog each other’s time to the exclusion of other things, just to make up for the distance.
13. Don’t control each other: If you are both interested in being in the relationship, you’ll stick it out. Don’t control who each other can talk to, where each other can go and so on.
14. Challenge each other: The distance between you can motivate you to do things you’ve put off. If you or your partner was planning to lose weight or learn cooking, you can challenge and motivate each other to do it before you meet next.
15. Discuss your future: Talk about where you’re going to live and what you’re going to do when you’re finally together in one place. Working towards a common goal will keep you motivated.
16. Visit each other: If you don’t live too far apart, try to visit each other as often as possible. Even the best long distance relationships will fail if you see each other only once a year.
17. Be consistent: Be consistent when it comes to your visits, frequency of communication and so on. Spending a solid hour chatting one day and ignoring your partner for the next three days won’t help your relationship grow.
18. Trust your partner: Allow each other the trust any healthy relationship needs; keep the jealousy, drama and obsessive possessiveness away. Remember, Everyone is trustworthy unless proven otherwise.
19. Stay positive: Even if your partner did not return a call or did not keep up a commitment, stay positive within. Even the best laid plans can go awry sometimes.
20. Focus on yourself: Focus on your needs, career objectives and hobbies for self growth and to keep from obsessing over your partner.
21. Share personal items: Keep something that belongs to each other to hold on to when thinking of each other.
22. Prioritize each other: Even if there are other pressing obligations in your lives, prioritize each other when it comes to emergencies, or urgent situations.
23. Write letters: Buy some expensive stationery, scented if possible, and pen long, romantic letters to each other. These are the ones you can store and read when you’re old, tied up in blue ribbon.

This post is by Marina Chernyak, a freelance writer and co-owner of an online wall clock store located at - 1001WallClocks.com.

Advice from "Real Housewives of NYC" Kelly!

The only "Real Housewives" show I've gotten into was the New York version. My friend got me hooked on the show and while at times I find it a little annoying with the constant drama, it is very entertaining. The last season I watched I wasn't sure what to think of Kelly Killoren Bensimon. Bethenny was one of my favorites and the two often feuded. However, this past season, Kelly seemed much more balanced, fun, and quick to share good advice. I've been reading her blog and Twitter posts and I absolutely loved this post on relationships. Enjoy!

Courtesy of Kelly's Blog:

"My mantra for this season was that “every relationship needs boundaries“. While watching the The Real Housewives of New York reunion, the reason everyone is so taken back by the special is because of the lack of boundaries and the way life is percieved by delusion by some of the women on the show. Everyone on and off tv has their own storyline.

I’ve learned a lot though my mistakes and by the mistakes of others. Here are a few rules that got me through filming and will be my manifesto with the man I love and my close personal friendships.

Relationship Rules :

1. Be honest to yourself. If you are honest, than no one has ever any reason to doubt you. this doesn’t mean you need to constantly tell people what you think of them, but always be honest with yourself, and in turn you will earn trust from others

2. Walk in other peoples shoes. Its easier when you recognize where people are coming from than just make judgements. name calling and judgments are for childlike behaviors, whereas recognizing flaws and being open to possibilities are adult behaviors.

3. Right place right time. Save conversations that could get heated and go sour fast for a time when both parties are well rested, have eaten, and relaxed.

4. Dont fight to fight, fight to resolve. Every problem has a solution

5. Create boundaries for yourself. don’t engage those who are pushing buttons. Disengage, walk away, change the subject, or compliment-most people are so vain and a compliment is a great diffuser

6. Smile as much as you can. Life is short, and a smile goes a long way. Its the universal language for “its ok, lets have fun.”

7. Forgive but dont forget. The past is a foreshadowing of the future, but you can also change the way you respond to the past.

8. Listen to what others are saying, not what you THINK they are saying

9. Dont compare and contrast exs with the ones you love. It hurts. Period

10. Dont kitchen sink your life to a partner, or kitchen sink an argument. What is the core to the problem? stay clear and tackle one issue at a time

11. Dont air dirty laundry in front of friends and family. Everyone has relationship issues and no one wants to get involved especially at a dinner table.

12. Have a code word for “don’t start this now.” I like the word lemon.

13. Do unto yourself and you want those to do unto you. Its a two way street. Be careful for it hurts just as much if you don’t call him, as him not calling you.

14. Dont draw lines in the sand, for you may be left at the beach. Lots of people welcome that challenge, and others take it as an easy out.

15. Everyday is a new day. Make sure you partner is a part of it."

This post was written by Kelly Killoren Bensimon - I didn't change anything.

What do you think? Do you agree with her rules?

Quest Post: Coping with a Long Distance Relationship

As any magazine, television show, or chick flick will demonstrate, long distance relationships are really difficult. There is just no easy way around it. Of course, as 20-somethings, long distance relationships are common occurrences. Out of state college, semesters abroad, new jobs in different cities, and family are just a few of the factors forcing young lovers to fall asleep to a telephone call rather than in their significant other's arms at night. Coping with seeing your love only once every few months takes a toll on any individual and within any relationship no matter how strong. There are several ways to manage long distance relationships that can help couples survive the distance as well as become a better duo in the future.

Understand Each Other's Expectations

The key to any relationship is communication and understanding what your partner expects from you and from your relationship together. This point can be particularly difficult to understand for individuals embarking on a long distance love excursion. Couples in long distance relationships have to develop a game plan. Sit down with your loved one and examine exactly what it is the two of you want out of your relationship and how you are going to get it. One of the most difficult aspects of a long distance relationship is seeing an end in sight. When you and your SO are discussing a game plan be sure to communicate a goal. If you are embarking on a long distance relationship, you have to come up an end point for that distance, so that the two of you have something to strive for and look forward to.

Communicate Your Feelings

Obviously, again, this tip is essential for all relationships. However, it is particularly important for individuals to clearly communicate their feelings when they are in long distance relationships. Couples committed to one another who cannot talk face to face are at the distinct disadvantage of not being able to read nonverbal cues from their SO. This means that it is essential for long distance couples to carefully and honestly explain to one another how they are truly feeling. Being passive about your feelings is a surefire path to disaster when you are battling with hundreds of miles of distance. Talk to each other. Explain to one another exactly how you are feeling. Ask questions. Long distance relationships primarily rely on verbal communication. Make sure that you are really expressing what your SO needs to hear to make your relationship work.

Enjoy Your Independence

Lastly, as with any relationship, it is important to have a certain level of autonomy from your SO. Enjoy the time that you have to yourself and in your separate lives. Go out and do things and be active in your life away from your SO. This will not only give you valuable things to talk about when you are with or talking to your lover, but will also help you understand exactly who you are and what you want for yourself and within your relationship. Many individuals in traditional relationships fall into the pattern of smothering one another with the other's presence. By doing this, each entity within the relationship can lose sight of who they are without their SO, which (for obvious reasons) can be dangerous. Distance allows you to miss your love. Let yourself miss them, so that when you are with them it is that much better.

Long distance relationships often get a bad rep in modern popular culture. All too often, television shows and pop songs speak of long distances as the kiss of death for love. This doesn't have to be the case. Things are going to be challenging and difficult at times in any relationship. Use your time apart from one another to help your relationship grow and flourish.

This guest post is contributed by Barbara Jolie, who writes for online classes. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: barbara.jolie876@gmail.com.